There's A First For Everything

Well, I can honestly say I have never done this before... I have heard good things and bad things about blogging but thought I would try it myself to get me through my hard time.

Firstly, a little about me. My name is Rachael, I am 24 years old and have a beautiful son called James who will be 2 in August. We live in Nottingham with our dog, Storm.

Now, let's get to the point.

I became a single mum on Wednesday. My partner of 3 and a half years decided that I had changed after giving birth to our son and after several arguments, he decided enough was enough. He left on good terms and this is not a blog for me to sit here and slag him off. He was a good dad, it is just a shame our relationship was obviously not strong enough to cope with the strain of a child.

I can't figure out what is worse, becoming a single mum and having ALL the responsibilties or that I was planning our wedding for 30th July 2012 and now have to beg for deposits and any monies paid to be returned. In fact, becoming a single mum is definately worse... although the other is far more embarrassing.

I feel on such an emotional rollercoaster, I have cried about 6 times... but each time will last a matter of seconds before I compose myself. I cannot seem to let myself go and let it all out (which is proably what I need). After 4 and a half years of quitting smoking, I am now back on them again - they seem to take the edge off the pain. Empty is probably the best word to describe me at the moment.

I hope this blogging works and helps me to let out my emotions so I can try and be a good mum without being an emotional wreck. My son needs me and I need him.

I have some good friends around me and I guess that is what is important at the end of the day. So I raise a glass of nice chilled Jacques and say "Cheers, Welcome To Single Motherhood..."