Firstly I will apologise as I am using my iPhone to write this due to no Internet on my laptop so watch out for the incorrect spellings and words you have no idea what they mean!
It started yesterday, well I think it did anyway. I have glandular fever and now into my second week of it which probably doesn't help my mood. Anyway, back to yesterday... I woke up at 5.20 with James so was obviously tired but just got on with it, as you do. About 9am I started getting that feeling that you just want to cry. No reason just wanted to. Probably didn't help with the saturday night palaver with James (another story). I went round to my parents and we ended up having a lovely day at elvaston castle. I felt better by the end of the day and managed to get an earlyish night.
Today I was awoken at 4.10.... Yes that is 4.10AM! James had decided he wanted to get up. That killed me. I was dozing in and out of sleep until about 8. I felt bad though as you shouldn't leave a child unattended, but what could I do?! I was downstairs so if anything had happened I would have been there but that's not the point. All day I have been tired and really emotional. When it came to bedtime, James decided he would try a d piss me off as much as he could. I ended up crying in my room. It is so hard being a single parent, nobody can imagine what it is like unless you are in that situation.
Just then it hit me, the reason I'm so low... I hate being a single parent. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't change James fo the world but I hate it. I hate having to look after him by myself with no help (at home I mean mother) and I hate having to worry about money and my job. People say - you're fine the government help you! Yes they do, but they give me bugger all! When I changed from a joint to a single claim, I got an extra £60 per month. Thats nkwhere near Adams wages! What the he'll can I do with £60?! Just to Put it in perspective, I have an average persons wage if you add up all benefits but I SOLELY have to pay £329 nursery fees alone, as well as taking care of a house and making sure we can both eat. Do you have any idea how stressful that actually is?! And then to be threatened with redundancy (which they still have given no info For) makes it so much harder.
I would also like to apologise to Craig as he cooked me a lovely meal tonight and I was just a shell all evening, so Craig - I'm sorry but dinner was lovely thank you.
So there you go, I'm on a downhill spiral at the minute but I'm sure things will pick up soon. It's just a case of waiting til things sort themselves out i guess...
Monday, 1 August 2011
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
It's Been A Long Time
It's been nearly 6 weeks since I last posted on my blog and today I felt it was a good day to start again....
One of the main reasons for not blogging was due to several busy-bodies that run and tell Adam every little detail. By the way, I know who you are and I also know who still talks to him but makes out they don't. Firstly, I don't write this for Adam, I write it for me. Secondly, do you really think he actually cares? He has moved on and so have I. I cleared a lot of 'friends' on facebook so now I am only friends with people I actually want to talk to - so feel privileged! ;)
A bit of an update - a lot happens in 6 weeks. Firstly, just before I went on holiday I had a date. It was really nice, really relaxed and it felt so good just to be in the company of someone who is so down to earth and easy to get on with. I was sad to go but hey - date's can't last forever. Was not the greatest as I was so tired which meant I wasn't being myself but he understood that and still made contact afterwards *phew*. Whilst on holiday, I went on the computer every day - normally twice a day (when I was waiting for Jemma to get ready!!). We emailed. A lot. We spoke about everything and anything, it was nice to still have that contact even though I was a 2 hour flight away and didn't actually get to speak to him. For those of you that aren't in the know - Craig and I are now in a relationship. I couldn't be happier, even taking on 3 kids - every single one of them is amazing. Told you that you have to filter through the strange ones on POF to find a decent one didn't I?! Craig treats me...not like I expect to be treated...but how I deserve to be treated. I don't expect anything but I receive flowers and chocolates, I also get some amazing cuddles. Thank you Craig for being so wonderful.
Secondly, Majorca baby! Yes it was lovely, yes it was hot and yes James had a lovely time too. James nearly drowned several times but he was never once bothered and jumped straight back into the water (which is good). I came back with a sexy tan, which has now disappeared due to the lack of sun in England at the minute.
What else can I update you all on...?
Redundancy, that's still up in the air as I am due to find out at the end of this month. If I do get made redundant I think I want to learn something new. I am not one, as you all know, to sit on my arse and do nothing (career wise I might add to that). I have so many skills already and I am only 24, why not build on it until I find something I enjoy and can make a living from? I can read Tarot Cards, I have a diploma in Wedding and Events Planning, I have NVQ's in Customer Service and Early Years Care, An A Level in Accounting, I want something else too. I have started learning to become an on-the-side Body Shop At Home Consultant. Looks like it could be interesting and once my confidence rises again I can do parties and make some cash (which I desperately need)
James. James will be 2 in 3 weeks and I'm scared and excited. Scared as time goes so quickly and you wish it away, but you can never get those moments back. This time 2 years ago I was trying ANYTHING to get him out, I was the size of a whale and hated it. Thankfully he arrived safe and sound 7 days early and after 8 loooooooong hours I got to meet my little monkey. The emotions that you go through will never be understood by someone that has not had a child. I held him in my arms and I think I cried. Anyway, enough babbling about 'labour day'. I am excited as I can't wait for him to enjoy his party. There's going to be face painting and a small bouncy castle and lots of friends and family. James also has an operation on 9th August (the day before his birthday) to put grommets in his ears as his hearing is still poor and he still has glue ear. Not looking forward to that - General Anaesthetic, watching your child fall to sleep and go limp... not looking forward to it one bit.
Think that's about all I can update for now. I promise I'll keep my blog a little more up to date than every 6 weeks from now on.
PS. I am not on my medication anymore and I am still happy, so it must be genuine happiness for the first time in a LONG time. Love you all xx
One of the main reasons for not blogging was due to several busy-bodies that run and tell Adam every little detail. By the way, I know who you are and I also know who still talks to him but makes out they don't. Firstly, I don't write this for Adam, I write it for me. Secondly, do you really think he actually cares? He has moved on and so have I. I cleared a lot of 'friends' on facebook so now I am only friends with people I actually want to talk to - so feel privileged! ;)
A bit of an update - a lot happens in 6 weeks. Firstly, just before I went on holiday I had a date. It was really nice, really relaxed and it felt so good just to be in the company of someone who is so down to earth and easy to get on with. I was sad to go but hey - date's can't last forever. Was not the greatest as I was so tired which meant I wasn't being myself but he understood that and still made contact afterwards *phew*. Whilst on holiday, I went on the computer every day - normally twice a day (when I was waiting for Jemma to get ready!!). We emailed. A lot. We spoke about everything and anything, it was nice to still have that contact even though I was a 2 hour flight away and didn't actually get to speak to him. For those of you that aren't in the know - Craig and I are now in a relationship. I couldn't be happier, even taking on 3 kids - every single one of them is amazing. Told you that you have to filter through the strange ones on POF to find a decent one didn't I?! Craig treats me...not like I expect to be treated...but how I deserve to be treated. I don't expect anything but I receive flowers and chocolates, I also get some amazing cuddles. Thank you Craig for being so wonderful.
Secondly, Majorca baby! Yes it was lovely, yes it was hot and yes James had a lovely time too. James nearly drowned several times but he was never once bothered and jumped straight back into the water (which is good). I came back with a sexy tan, which has now disappeared due to the lack of sun in England at the minute.
What else can I update you all on...?
Redundancy, that's still up in the air as I am due to find out at the end of this month. If I do get made redundant I think I want to learn something new. I am not one, as you all know, to sit on my arse and do nothing (career wise I might add to that). I have so many skills already and I am only 24, why not build on it until I find something I enjoy and can make a living from? I can read Tarot Cards, I have a diploma in Wedding and Events Planning, I have NVQ's in Customer Service and Early Years Care, An A Level in Accounting, I want something else too. I have started learning to become an on-the-side Body Shop At Home Consultant. Looks like it could be interesting and once my confidence rises again I can do parties and make some cash (which I desperately need)
James. James will be 2 in 3 weeks and I'm scared and excited. Scared as time goes so quickly and you wish it away, but you can never get those moments back. This time 2 years ago I was trying ANYTHING to get him out, I was the size of a whale and hated it. Thankfully he arrived safe and sound 7 days early and after 8 loooooooong hours I got to meet my little monkey. The emotions that you go through will never be understood by someone that has not had a child. I held him in my arms and I think I cried. Anyway, enough babbling about 'labour day'. I am excited as I can't wait for him to enjoy his party. There's going to be face painting and a small bouncy castle and lots of friends and family. James also has an operation on 9th August (the day before his birthday) to put grommets in his ears as his hearing is still poor and he still has glue ear. Not looking forward to that - General Anaesthetic, watching your child fall to sleep and go limp... not looking forward to it one bit.
Think that's about all I can update for now. I promise I'll keep my blog a little more up to date than every 6 weeks from now on.
PS. I am not on my medication anymore and I am still happy, so it must be genuine happiness for the first time in a LONG time. Love you all xx
Thursday, 2 June 2011
I Hate Rollercoasters, Especially Emotional Ones
Well I warn you now, this post is going to be a bit of whinging but also a bit of happiness. I'll start with the whinging as I need to let it out...
Whinge 1 - Weight... Made a silly mistake of getting on the scales tonight. You know when you think, "oh it's just gonna be a couple of lbs"...well it was a lot more than I was expecting. Bummer. Starting a new thing called Thinking Slimmer, which is basically a 10min recording (almost hypnosis/meditation) you listen to every night before sleep and it alters your subconscious decisions about food. I have tried WW, SW, you name it. I don't have time to exercise (see Whinge 2) so that doesn't help. Gonna try this TS and see how I get on over 3 weeks.
Whinge 2 - Arsehole. Yep, you guessed it - His Royal Twatness. Firstly upset me by telling me he is going to Magaluf with 'her' in July (don't even kow why that upset me). Then when I asked him to babysit for 1 hour on a Mon or Wed he calls me and moans about I'm changing days again. Errr, firstly HE IS YOUR FUCKING CHILD TOO. You should want to spend time with him not moan that I'm messing up your social life. My social life is a 24 hour period in a week, you lose out on 24 hours of your social life a week... how is that fair? How can I move on / get a new boyfriend / go out with my mates if I only get 24 hours a week, of which I'd need to sleep for at least 7 of them? Knob.
Whinge 3 - Other Men. I had a date planned for Saturday (yes I know, check me out!) night. We text each other loads, got on really well then Tuesday night he text me telling me he was going into a meeting and wouldn't be out til about 10pm. I replied 'ok babe', didn't want to say speak soon incase I fell asleep (i'm good at that). Got a text at 23.10 - Hey, u up? I replied in the morning apologising as had fallen asleep and how did the meeting go. No reply. I text again at 4pm 'u ok?'. No reply. So I then text something along the lines of 'is everything ok, little worried as normally hear from u but haven't, just hope ur ok and speak soon'. No reply. I mean for god's sake, if you're not interested - don't agree a bloody date!! If you realise after so many days, you found someone better or whatever, at least have the decency to say you're sorry but you don't want to carry on. That would go down fine with me, I like honesty. Anyway, he has til 3pm tomorrow to text me and then I'm deleting his number and getting over it.
I cried earlier. I cried so much my heart ached and my eyes stung. Haven't done that in a while. Still feel on edge, but feeling much better. Hoping tonight will be better than last and I get some decent sleep.
Anyway ... enough whinging
Happiness - My friends and family. I don't really need to elaborate. One thing I will elaborate on is this - I have one of the best friend's you can ask for. She text me earlier, tomorrow her and 2 of our friends (that I haven't seen for AGES) are going to come to mine, cook dinner and have a proper girlie night whilst James is in bed. How thoughtful is that?! Bless her. I absolutely love my friends and family, they have stood by me and helped me through so much. I also want to say thanks to a certain someone for lending me some cash today - was greatly appreciated :)
So there you go, a bit of up and down for you. I feel up and down. Somedays good, somedays not so. I can put on a very brave face but please don't worry about asking me if I am ok. If you want to ask and you genuinely care, I will answer you honestly.
Whinge 1 - Weight... Made a silly mistake of getting on the scales tonight. You know when you think, "oh it's just gonna be a couple of lbs"...well it was a lot more than I was expecting. Bummer. Starting a new thing called Thinking Slimmer, which is basically a 10min recording (almost hypnosis/meditation) you listen to every night before sleep and it alters your subconscious decisions about food. I have tried WW, SW, you name it. I don't have time to exercise (see Whinge 2) so that doesn't help. Gonna try this TS and see how I get on over 3 weeks.
Whinge 2 - Arsehole. Yep, you guessed it - His Royal Twatness. Firstly upset me by telling me he is going to Magaluf with 'her' in July (don't even kow why that upset me). Then when I asked him to babysit for 1 hour on a Mon or Wed he calls me and moans about I'm changing days again. Errr, firstly HE IS YOUR FUCKING CHILD TOO. You should want to spend time with him not moan that I'm messing up your social life. My social life is a 24 hour period in a week, you lose out on 24 hours of your social life a week... how is that fair? How can I move on / get a new boyfriend / go out with my mates if I only get 24 hours a week, of which I'd need to sleep for at least 7 of them? Knob.
Whinge 3 - Other Men. I had a date planned for Saturday (yes I know, check me out!) night. We text each other loads, got on really well then Tuesday night he text me telling me he was going into a meeting and wouldn't be out til about 10pm. I replied 'ok babe', didn't want to say speak soon incase I fell asleep (i'm good at that). Got a text at 23.10 - Hey, u up? I replied in the morning apologising as had fallen asleep and how did the meeting go. No reply. I text again at 4pm 'u ok?'. No reply. So I then text something along the lines of 'is everything ok, little worried as normally hear from u but haven't, just hope ur ok and speak soon'. No reply. I mean for god's sake, if you're not interested - don't agree a bloody date!! If you realise after so many days, you found someone better or whatever, at least have the decency to say you're sorry but you don't want to carry on. That would go down fine with me, I like honesty. Anyway, he has til 3pm tomorrow to text me and then I'm deleting his number and getting over it.
I cried earlier. I cried so much my heart ached and my eyes stung. Haven't done that in a while. Still feel on edge, but feeling much better. Hoping tonight will be better than last and I get some decent sleep.
Anyway ... enough whinging
Happiness - My friends and family. I don't really need to elaborate. One thing I will elaborate on is this - I have one of the best friend's you can ask for. She text me earlier, tomorrow her and 2 of our friends (that I haven't seen for AGES) are going to come to mine, cook dinner and have a proper girlie night whilst James is in bed. How thoughtful is that?! Bless her. I absolutely love my friends and family, they have stood by me and helped me through so much. I also want to say thanks to a certain someone for lending me some cash today - was greatly appreciated :)
So there you go, a bit of up and down for you. I feel up and down. Somedays good, somedays not so. I can put on a very brave face but please don't worry about asking me if I am ok. If you want to ask and you genuinely care, I will answer you honestly.
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Why Does Just The Mention Of Her Put Me On A Downer?
I was feeling OK today until Adam dropped James off. He stayed for about half an hour (which is not a problem). We were talking as civilised human beings and then her name came into it....
We were talking about the holiday and then I asked him to have our dog, Storm, whilst I was away. He replied he would let his friend look after him as he probably won't be at home anyway. Stupidly, I asked why. He said "i'll probably be staying at Chells" ... oh ok, fair enough.
I then asked if he had met her child yet (as he would obviously see him if he stays for a week!), he said no but it won't be long as they have been together for 4 weeks now. Funny that, we only split up 3 ago... He asked if I would be bothered if she met James, I said yes as it's far too soon. He defended himself but I said that 4 weeks is still too early and I don't want him to meet her. I told him if I ever found out that she had met him before Adam spoke to me about it, I wold string him up by his balls from the ceiling. I think he listened then.
THEN we were talking about money, which is very very tight at the minute, and he said he would only be working 3 days next week as got wednesday off. I asked why, he snapped "because I have" to which I replied "alright, I was only asking!". "Chell's coming back from holiday so I booked the day off" how lovely?!
So anyway, the reason I am writing my blog is because I am feeling down now and the only reason I can think of is because she's been mentioned. I don't care he has moved on anymore, it really doesn't bother me but I don't want to hear about her or their stupid new life together. I also DO NOT want to know he is staying there for a week as then certain images come across my mind and make me sad.
I just want to move on and get on with my own life, maybe that will stop this feeling. I don't even want a boyfriend as such, just some good male company who pays me a little attention. I want that 'honeymoon' feeling again.
We were talking about the holiday and then I asked him to have our dog, Storm, whilst I was away. He replied he would let his friend look after him as he probably won't be at home anyway. Stupidly, I asked why. He said "i'll probably be staying at Chells" ... oh ok, fair enough.
I then asked if he had met her child yet (as he would obviously see him if he stays for a week!), he said no but it won't be long as they have been together for 4 weeks now. Funny that, we only split up 3 ago... He asked if I would be bothered if she met James, I said yes as it's far too soon. He defended himself but I said that 4 weeks is still too early and I don't want him to meet her. I told him if I ever found out that she had met him before Adam spoke to me about it, I wold string him up by his balls from the ceiling. I think he listened then.
THEN we were talking about money, which is very very tight at the minute, and he said he would only be working 3 days next week as got wednesday off. I asked why, he snapped "because I have" to which I replied "alright, I was only asking!". "Chell's coming back from holiday so I booked the day off" how lovely?!
So anyway, the reason I am writing my blog is because I am feeling down now and the only reason I can think of is because she's been mentioned. I don't care he has moved on anymore, it really doesn't bother me but I don't want to hear about her or their stupid new life together. I also DO NOT want to know he is staying there for a week as then certain images come across my mind and make me sad.
I just want to move on and get on with my own life, maybe that will stop this feeling. I don't even want a boyfriend as such, just some good male company who pays me a little attention. I want that 'honeymoon' feeling again.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
The Only Way Is Up...Baby, It's You And Me Now!!
This morning I officially hit rock bottom, I don't think it is physically possible to get any lower than I was when I woke up. I'll be honest (as that is what my blog is all about) I googled how many paracetamol it would take to OD. Before anyone panics, I did not even take 1, but the thought was there and that's when I knew I can't feel any worse.
It all started last night, I went to bed as normal and then for some reason it hit me. There was a HUGE void in my life, my heart ached and I cried. I carried on crying to the point where I could hardly breathe. I debated calling an ambulance but then thought how stupid it would look if I couldn't breathe because I got myself so upset. I went in to look at my baby boy at tucked him in, gave him a kiss then went outside for a cigarette. I went back to bed and must have cried myself to sleep. It's not that I even wanted to get back with Adam (I don't), it has just left a big hole where Adam was.
I woke up after having a dream about Adam and I getting back together, but in secret. It was an affair behind his girlfriend's back but I couldn't go through with it as I knew he had "been somewhere else" if you get my drift? The void in my heart started to make itself known again and I cried, cried until I couldn't cry anymore. That's when I googled paracetamol, apparently it only takes as little as 20...which is actually slightly worrying as you can buy about 50 from Tesco in one go. I then realised how stupid and selfish such a thought is and can't believe I even looked it up. How could I leave my little man? He is my world and I need to be here for the good, the bad and the god damn ungly.
Thankfully I was busy today, going to my friend's boys birthday party in Birmingham. It meant I could spend the day out of my house and enjoy some time with a good friend and James enjoyed all the other kids too. Seeing Roz makes me realise again how stupid I was. This woman has battled 2 lots of cancer and won, and she hasn't even got to 30 yet. If she can hang on going through that kind of shit, then why should I give up so easily?
Fuck Adam, fuck his new gilfriend and fuck his new life. I am an amazing, strong woman and I will be the one better off in the end. It may take me some time, but I will get there. The only way is up, and I am on my way - day by day.
It all started last night, I went to bed as normal and then for some reason it hit me. There was a HUGE void in my life, my heart ached and I cried. I carried on crying to the point where I could hardly breathe. I debated calling an ambulance but then thought how stupid it would look if I couldn't breathe because I got myself so upset. I went in to look at my baby boy at tucked him in, gave him a kiss then went outside for a cigarette. I went back to bed and must have cried myself to sleep. It's not that I even wanted to get back with Adam (I don't), it has just left a big hole where Adam was.
I woke up after having a dream about Adam and I getting back together, but in secret. It was an affair behind his girlfriend's back but I couldn't go through with it as I knew he had "been somewhere else" if you get my drift? The void in my heart started to make itself known again and I cried, cried until I couldn't cry anymore. That's when I googled paracetamol, apparently it only takes as little as 20...which is actually slightly worrying as you can buy about 50 from Tesco in one go. I then realised how stupid and selfish such a thought is and can't believe I even looked it up. How could I leave my little man? He is my world and I need to be here for the good, the bad and the god damn ungly.
Thankfully I was busy today, going to my friend's boys birthday party in Birmingham. It meant I could spend the day out of my house and enjoy some time with a good friend and James enjoyed all the other kids too. Seeing Roz makes me realise again how stupid I was. This woman has battled 2 lots of cancer and won, and she hasn't even got to 30 yet. If she can hang on going through that kind of shit, then why should I give up so easily?
Fuck Adam, fuck his new gilfriend and fuck his new life. I am an amazing, strong woman and I will be the one better off in the end. It may take me some time, but I will get there. The only way is up, and I am on my way - day by day.
Saturday, 21 May 2011
I Am Still An Open Wound But I Will Heal
So this is how my life is going to be from now onwards, a single mum with the love of my life (my son obviously!) and our dog.
I don't need anyone else, I am far more independant than anyone thinks and would be quite happy never to have another relationship. Although that would get rather lonely...
Everyone says there's plenty more fish in the sea and I should get on dating websites and go out and meet people, I am not ready for that yet.
The one thing that does really rack me off is when people call Adam. I know what has happened, I am not stupid. Yes it is his loss and one day he will realise it when it is too late. But please, do not call him and moan about him to me. At the end of the day, I was planning my wedding with this guy, I was planning on spending the rest of my life with my little family and becoming Mrs Ward. I know that he has left me and is now happy with 'her' and good luck to him, she will never give him what I gave him and he will one day realise that.
I am such an open person and believe that everything happens for a reason. Adam and I were obviously not meant to be and I am ok with that.
Please, please, realise that I am still an open wound. Every word said against Adam or about his new..erm... i'll be nice.. 'girlfriend' is like rubbing acid into me. You might as well be pouring vinegar into the deep cuts that I have and rubbing it in. Adam is the only one that does not do this, it hurts to see him but I have to see him as we have a beautiful son together. He never speaks of her, he never talks to me like I have cancer and he just treats me like a normal human being that is going through a rough patch. I wish everyone treated me like this. Just because I am strong on the outside does not mean I am strong on the inside, I am VERY good at putting on a brave face. I don't like to show my true emotions, that's just the way I was built. Slagging her off doesn't make it any easier either, neither does telling me that I am a million times better than her - it just mentions the one thing I don't want to hear about.
Time is the biggest healer apparently and with every waking day it seems to get slightly easier. I will heal and move on in time but please be patient with me, it won't take me 2 weeks to get over what has happened however I will one day get on with my life and become the Rachael we all used to know and love.
I don't need anyone else, I am far more independant than anyone thinks and would be quite happy never to have another relationship. Although that would get rather lonely...
Everyone says there's plenty more fish in the sea and I should get on dating websites and go out and meet people, I am not ready for that yet.
The one thing that does really rack me off is when people call Adam. I know what has happened, I am not stupid. Yes it is his loss and one day he will realise it when it is too late. But please, do not call him and moan about him to me. At the end of the day, I was planning my wedding with this guy, I was planning on spending the rest of my life with my little family and becoming Mrs Ward. I know that he has left me and is now happy with 'her' and good luck to him, she will never give him what I gave him and he will one day realise that.
I am such an open person and believe that everything happens for a reason. Adam and I were obviously not meant to be and I am ok with that.
Please, please, realise that I am still an open wound. Every word said against Adam or about his new..erm... i'll be nice.. 'girlfriend' is like rubbing acid into me. You might as well be pouring vinegar into the deep cuts that I have and rubbing it in. Adam is the only one that does not do this, it hurts to see him but I have to see him as we have a beautiful son together. He never speaks of her, he never talks to me like I have cancer and he just treats me like a normal human being that is going through a rough patch. I wish everyone treated me like this. Just because I am strong on the outside does not mean I am strong on the inside, I am VERY good at putting on a brave face. I don't like to show my true emotions, that's just the way I was built. Slagging her off doesn't make it any easier either, neither does telling me that I am a million times better than her - it just mentions the one thing I don't want to hear about.
Time is the biggest healer apparently and with every waking day it seems to get slightly easier. I will heal and move on in time but please be patient with me, it won't take me 2 weeks to get over what has happened however I will one day get on with my life and become the Rachael we all used to know and love.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
I'm Sure Rock Bottom Is Around Here Somewhere...
Recently I have been feeling quite good about things. I know Adam & I will never get back together and I never expected us to. I was taking it day by day and each day seemed to get easier to let go of what I had and enjoy what I still have looking orward to the future.
I felt good until I received a phone call from my boss on Monday (I don't work Mon or Tues) saying he needed to meet with me urgently and it could not wait until later. He came round to my house and as soon as I let him in I could tell something was wrong. Then he handed me a letter stating that I am at 'risk of redundancy'. Fab. So 2 weeks ago I became a single mum and now I'm probably going to be an unemployed single mum. I have a consultation on Friday however, I will find out at the end of July whether I have a job or not. People keep saying "you will be ok, the government will pay your rent etc"... I spent many years moaning about people who sit at home and don't even try to get a job, I don't want to become one if I don't have to. Others say I have been there for 5 years so will get a good pay out, erm... not really no as SRP is 0.5 weeks per year until I was 22 and 1 week per year thereafter, meaning I would be offered an amazing 3.5 weeks pay - that will barely cover my rent, let alone anything else.
Just when you think, maybe it can't get much worse I got a message on facebook from a guy asking about Adam as he is now seeing his ex and was pissed off. Well darling, thanks for dumping Adam in it as I didn't know he was seeing someone else, Adam soon confessed. I felt shit. I still feel shit. But if it took you a whopping 2 weeks to get over me, you obviously weren't worth it anyway.
I thought rock bottom was close by, seems things keep creeping up to remind me I am not that low yet. I just wonder when I am going to get there as I really could do with coming back up soon. I have to take Nytol to sleep at night, I have to take stress tablets to keep anxiety down during the day. At what point can I just get on with MY normal life ?!
I felt good until I received a phone call from my boss on Monday (I don't work Mon or Tues) saying he needed to meet with me urgently and it could not wait until later. He came round to my house and as soon as I let him in I could tell something was wrong. Then he handed me a letter stating that I am at 'risk of redundancy'. Fab. So 2 weeks ago I became a single mum and now I'm probably going to be an unemployed single mum. I have a consultation on Friday however, I will find out at the end of July whether I have a job or not. People keep saying "you will be ok, the government will pay your rent etc"... I spent many years moaning about people who sit at home and don't even try to get a job, I don't want to become one if I don't have to. Others say I have been there for 5 years so will get a good pay out, erm... not really no as SRP is 0.5 weeks per year until I was 22 and 1 week per year thereafter, meaning I would be offered an amazing 3.5 weeks pay - that will barely cover my rent, let alone anything else.
Just when you think, maybe it can't get much worse I got a message on facebook from a guy asking about Adam as he is now seeing his ex and was pissed off. Well darling, thanks for dumping Adam in it as I didn't know he was seeing someone else, Adam soon confessed. I felt shit. I still feel shit. But if it took you a whopping 2 weeks to get over me, you obviously weren't worth it anyway.
I thought rock bottom was close by, seems things keep creeping up to remind me I am not that low yet. I just wonder when I am going to get there as I really could do with coming back up soon. I have to take Nytol to sleep at night, I have to take stress tablets to keep anxiety down during the day. At what point can I just get on with MY normal life ?!
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