Firstly I will apologise as I am using my iPhone to write this due to no Internet on my laptop so watch out for the incorrect spellings and words you have no idea what they mean!
It started yesterday, well I think it did anyway. I have glandular fever and now into my second week of it which probably doesn't help my mood. Anyway, back to yesterday... I woke up at 5.20 with James so was obviously tired but just got on with it, as you do. About 9am I started getting that feeling that you just want to cry. No reason just wanted to. Probably didn't help with the saturday night palaver with James (another story). I went round to my parents and we ended up having a lovely day at elvaston castle. I felt better by the end of the day and managed to get an earlyish night.
Today I was awoken at 4.10.... Yes that is 4.10AM! James had decided he wanted to get up. That killed me. I was dozing in and out of sleep until about 8. I felt bad though as you shouldn't leave a child unattended, but what could I do?! I was downstairs so if anything had happened I would have been there but that's not the point. All day I have been tired and really emotional. When it came to bedtime, James decided he would try a d piss me off as much as he could. I ended up crying in my room. It is so hard being a single parent, nobody can imagine what it is like unless you are in that situation.
Just then it hit me, the reason I'm so low... I hate being a single parent. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't change James fo the world but I hate it. I hate having to look after him by myself with no help (at home I mean mother) and I hate having to worry about money and my job. People say - you're fine the government help you! Yes they do, but they give me bugger all! When I changed from a joint to a single claim, I got an extra £60 per month. Thats nkwhere near Adams wages! What the he'll can I do with £60?! Just to Put it in perspective, I have an average persons wage if you add up all benefits but I SOLELY have to pay £329 nursery fees alone, as well as taking care of a house and making sure we can both eat. Do you have any idea how stressful that actually is?! And then to be threatened with redundancy (which they still have given no info For) makes it so much harder.
I would also like to apologise to Craig as he cooked me a lovely meal tonight and I was just a shell all evening, so Craig - I'm sorry but dinner was lovely thank you.
So there you go, I'm on a downhill spiral at the minute but I'm sure things will pick up soon. It's just a case of waiting til things sort themselves out i guess...
